How to use your amazing body to calm anxiety or anger

"Just take a deep breath, and calm down."

How many times have you heard that? Are you sick of it? Does taking a deep breath even work to calm you down? Is it just some sort of stall tactic?

Taking deep belly breaths (breathing in slowly, and deeply, allowing your belly to expand--holding for a few seconds--then breathing slowly out) is proven to calm people down when they are angry, worried, or panicked.  This is a skill that I have taught my clients, but I have only recently learned the physiological mechanism behind it.  And this is where the Vagus Nerve comes in.

It is pronouced like Vegas, but is completely different.

When your heart rate rises above 100 beats per minute, it is extremely difficult for you to process information.  Think about if you are angry or scared.  Does your heart rate speed up?  What do you think that says about your ability to process information in a clear, rational way if your heart rate is most likely over 100 beats per minute?  It's pretty darn tough.

The Vagus Nerve is a nerve that runs from the base of your skull down through your abdomen.  It is responsible for many cool things in your body, two of which are important to our ability to calm and sooth ourselves.

When the Vagus Nerve is stimulated:

1)  It slows down your heart rate

2)  It helps to control your breathing

If you can slow down your heart rate, you are then able to process information in a much more clear, and rational way--which is super helpful if you are angry, worried, or panicked!

So, how to you stimulate the Vagus Nerve????

Deep. Belly. Breaths.

Really.

Taking deep breaths stimulates the Vagus Nerve prompting our bodies to slow our heart rate allowing us to process thoughts, feelings, and emotions in a much calmer way.

However, when you are in the middle of feeling super anxious, or are angry, it is hard to remember to use skills that can help.  The best thing you can do is to practice this type of breathing when you are already calm.

To practice you can:

1)  Take time each day to practice belly breaths (breathe in slowly, and deeply, allowing your belly to expand--holding for a few seconds--then breathe slowly out).  Repeat 5-10 times and practice on a daily basis.

2)  Use the app Stop, Breathe & Think daily described in this post.  There are several meditations available for free through this app that help you to practice and focus on your breathing.

3)  If you have children that could use some help in soothing themselves when they are angry or upset, share this information with them!  They love to learn about how their bodies work, and it can help them to learn why taking deep belly breaths is important. Also, you can help kids to practice their breathing and other helpful calming techniques using these yoga cards.  Reviewing these skills in a fun way on a daily basis is very helpful.

Many of my clients (both children and adults) have utilized these practice suggestions and have reported that it has been helpful when they are angry or are having anxious thoughts.  I would encourage you to tune in to this gift that your body offers, giving you a helpful tool to combat runaway thoughts and the feeling of being out of control.

Feeling Down, Worried, or Anxious? Here are some tools that can help:

Have you been feeling down or anxious, but don't feel ready to seek professional help? Are you already seeking help and support from a licensed therapist, but would like some additional resources that could help improve your mood and lessen anxiety? Below are several steps you can take in addressing mild to moderate depression or anxiety.

1)  Change your thoughts

Every single person has thoughts that automatically come into our mind and pass through, influencing our mood.  We are often not even aware of these thoughts, yet they have power over how we feel. Dr. David Burns wrote an amazing book called  The Feeling Good Handbook. I often recommend this book to my clients as a complement to therapy. However, this is also a great starting point when you are feeling down or worried, and aren't quite ready so seek out a therapist. Look at this list of cognitive distortions (or messed up thoughts). Do you identify with any of them? Many of our negative automatic thoughts are actually distorted, and can be challenged and changed with the use of a thought record. A Cognitive-Behavior Therapist can help you to identify these thoughts, and walk you through using a thought record and other tools allowing you to change your mood through changing your thoughts.

2) Stop, Breathe, and Think

Most of us have our smart phones with us 24 hours a day. While smart phones can be a distraction, there are also tools available that can help us take a short break and refocus. My favorite new app is called Stop, Breathe & Think.  This app is free and is available in Android, Apple, and Web formats.  The app is visually appealing and is simple to use. It allows you to "check in", assessing your current emotions, and how you are feeling physically. It then provides you with several options of a short breathing exercise or meditation. The meditation is down-to-earth, providing calm centering in the midst of a chaotic world. Meditation can assist with both improving your mood and lessening anxiety or worry. Most will notice the calming benefits with just one use, but the benefits multiply as you integrate meditation into your daily life. In addition to the free meditations, the app offers other meditation packages for a small fee benefiting the organization Tools for Peace.

3) Exercise

Gah. When you feel down, exercise is often the last thing you want to do. However, exercise has many mental health benefits. It can burn off excess anxious energy. It releases endorphins, our natural "feel good" hormones! Exercise can also help you to fall asleep faster, and sleep more heavily.

If you are feeling down, and would rather sit on the couch or curl up in bed, the chances of your mood improving are slim to none. However, once you force yourself to get moving, your chances of an improved mood are much greater. Consistent exercise will also aid with improving your mood over time.

When professional help is a necessity:

Seeking the help of a licensed therapist can be helpful in addition to the ideas mentioned above when you are experiencing mild to moderate depression or anxiety. However, you need to seek out a professional licensed therapist if you:

1) Are having suicidal thoughts

2) Are struggling to maintain your daily home, work, or school responsibilities

3) Are crying on a daily basis

4)  Worry or anxiety is keeping you from participating or enjoying activities

If you are having suicidal thoughts, you should seek help as soon as possible. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 1-800-273-8255 and is available 24/7

Vulnerability Around Postpartum Depression

The days, weeks, and months after giving birth can be agonizingly difficult.  I am proud of and thankful for my friend Becky Maners who has shared about her experience with postpartum depression, and has given me permission to share her experience here.  I am sure that many can relate to her experience, and it is her hope (and mine) that sharing her story will aid others in getting the help that they need.

Please click here to view Becky's message.  It is worth the 5 minutes it takes to watch.  For those of you who would prefer to read, the transcript is pasted below.

I am hoping that others continue to be brave enough to share their experiences with needing to seek help for mental health issues.  As people feel comfortable openly sharing their experiences in seeking treatment, the stigma of seeking help for a mental health concern can lesson, allowing others to freely and unashamedly seek help.

Crossroads Conference Story

Post-Partum Depression and Mental Health
By Becky Maners

Nearly 5 years ago, a baby girl was born - and so, as they say, was a mother.  From the moment of her emergency c-section delivery, she let me know that she had different plans than I did for  how this was going to go.  I was prepared to "sleep when the baby slept" - but beginning at just 3 weeks old she started going 10-12 hours without a single nap.     

After a short 8 weeks off, I returned to my full time job, absolutely exhausted, barely making it through the day.  I'd finish up the day eager to see and enjoy my baby girl.   Her caregivers would say she "had a great day."  But from the minute I put her in the car, she would wail and scream. I was convinced that my baby hated me and so I cried, too.  This was not at all how I'd imagined it would be. 

I kept waiting to feel better…when she starts sleeping more, when nursing ends... Then,  those things happened  - and I still felt like I was drowning.  I loved my daughter, but I didn't love being a mom.  I really wanted to. But I felt so overwhelmed, and like I was doing a terrible job at it.

I set up an appointment at a post-partum depression clinic.  The week or two prior to my visit I started feeling brighter and when I met the psychiatrist I announced that I probably didn't need to be there; I was feeling better, back to normal.  He shared with me, however, that the screening questions I had answered  indicated a low to moderate score for depression symptoms. 

Wait, what?  Really?  My best is a mild depression? What might I have scored on some of my worst days I wondered?

As I discussed my symptoms and history further, it became clear that my definition of "my best" was distorted due to dysthymia.  Dysthymia is a chronic mild depression that often lasts for years before being diagnosed,  and people with dysthymia may also have episodes of major depression,  such as I had post-partum.

I pulled out old journals and reflected on the past and I was able to see ways  depression had impacted my life and relationships.  And I decided that it was time for me to change the story.  Depression was a reality I had to face, but it need not define me.  

So what could I do? After carefully considering the options, I decided to give a combination of medication and therapy.   I wanted a chance to discover what my "best" could really be.

Medication helped me in ways I didn't expect.  It seemed to lift the cloud that held me back from doing things, like having lunch with friends or joining a yoga class, which in turn helped me feel even better. 

Therapy helped me change the way i think or respond to things.  I began to enjoy myself and laugh again, while at the same time worked on being comfortable with feelings like  sadness or  disappointment.  I realized that I didn't need to fight or make those feelings go away, it was possible to feel them without being swept away by them. 

After a few years of feeling better, I wanted to try for another pregnancy.  But I had a lot of concerns about what that would mean for my mental health.  Was it safe to stay on medication? Was it safe to NOT stay on medication?  Depression had already stolen so many moments from me and my family and I did not want that again.  Finally, I decided it was best for me to stay on medication while we tried to add another baby to our family.

In January 2014 our son arrived, and I was reminded what it’s like to live with a new baby.  It’s a little like taking a white water rapid adventure trip.  The river doesn't follow your lead, you have go with the flow.   It's easy to be so fearful that you don't enjoy the trip at all.  After my daughter was born, I fell into the river and was struggling with every ounce of energy to simply survive.   My son's first year was like a trip down the same unpredictable river, but instead, knowing what to do if in trouble, and having the support of  people I trust by my side.    Both were scary and required LOTS of hard work.   But the second time around, I was able to enjoy the adventure, to fully participate in each precious fleeting moment.    

For many of us, a crossroad comes when you reach the point where  it's far riskier to stay where you are and NOT change than it is try something new. Admitting you can't cope and might need help is hard.  But it can also bring hope.  If you are struggling with depression or other mental health concerns, I encourage you to take that brave first step of toward  the hope of better and brighter days in your future.  

About Becky:

Rebecca (Becky) is employed full-time in a health care IT position.  She began her health care career as a Registered Dietitian, and has migrated through several other health and wellness related positions. She is grateful that she had colleagues who were able to help her connect with support resources when she realized she needed them!    When not working, she might be exploring Pittsburgh  with her husband Matthew and 2 children, or at home reading stories, racing cars or having a tea party. In addition to juggling  work and family, she owns Charis Notes and Gifts, a handmade business that has provided the rich experience of meeting and networking with other local entrepreneurs.  In the brief post-bedtime hours,  she squeezes in a favorite TV show or podcast, while gluing, painting or cutting paper.   She also loves Pittsburgh, and is passionate and actively involved in building a strong community in the transitioning neighborhood of Swissvale.  At the end of the day, in this story, she is a patient - like we all are from time to time.  She believes that personal stories are very powerful in activating others to manage their condition and reach out for support.  

Using Pictures To Change My World

As parents and teachers, it can often be frustrating to figure out new ways to communicate with our kids.  We get stuck in old patterns and struggle with ways to reach our kids beyond what our words are able to do.  When talking with kids, adding pictures to our communication toolbox can help them to understand a concept in an easier way.

For younger children, using Picture Boxes can:

1)  Pique your child's interest, and draw them into an activity instead of remaining a passive listener

2)  Present material in a way that they can process with both their ears and their eyes

3)  Create visual cues for the child and adult to use in the future

For teens, picture (or cartoon, or graphic) boxes can create opportunities to:

1)  Provide an outlet for teens to journal in a more creative way

2)  Give teens a means to communicate with parents that may be less intimidating than initiating a verbal conversation

Drawing may intimidate parents or teachers.  However, these pictures can be REALLY simple, drawn with your kiddos, OR can easily be cut, pasted, and printed off of a free internet images site or clip art.  You can also take a picture of your child demonstrating the positive behaviors you are working towards and include these in the boxes.  The point is not to have a beautiful picture.  The point is to create a visual reminder of what you would like your child to do.

Some examples of how these can be used are:

1)  a visual reminder of a schedule

2) Teaching appropriate ways to get needs and wants met

3) Teaching how to express emotions in a safe and appropriate way

4) Modeling behavioral expectations (the top and bottom are the same three ideas, but show examples of drawing simple pictures vs. cutting and pasting internet images)

Here is a link to a printable worksheet to use at home.  If you are looking for ways to change up your interactions with your children, I encourage you to try using this intervention.  It doesn't take much energy to implement, and could turn out to be an extremely helpful communication tool!